#882
Rim: He's done it again Lita!
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Rimferatu
Rim: He's created a scenrio, yet again, where one of us makes a silly little error and, thus, he gets the upper hand hand. Like *I* would absently leave a trunk full of clothes (or even radio equipment) just lying around my dungeons for any old prisoner to pick up. Really.
Lita: The nerve of that guy! He always depicts us as incompentent women. This whole thing started because he wrote a scene where we indulge in a petty cat fight. He never seems to quit.
Rim: <rubs her hands together evilly> Well things are about to change. While he's watching my actor pretend to be Nabut acting insane the real Nabut is safely hidden away in another room being tortured mercilessly. Two can play at his game where things aren't as they appear only this time things won't going in his favor anymore.
Lita: Exactly, like how he wrote that Lita6969 only innocently helped him put in a hot tub. Little did he know she secretly put in cameras and she altered the hot tub for some strictly Halloween hijinx.
Rim: Cool! Like what?
Lita: Have you ever seen the movie House on Haunted Hill?
Rim: The orginal or the sucky one with James "Spike" Marsters?
Lita: The original. Lita took some cues from that movie and altered his hot tub. *Hmph* Like Lita6969 would really help him.
Rim: You mean she- <suddenly the monitors of PM and Mrs. Mobius report the two seeming a bit uneasy in the hot tub>
Lita: It's a hot tub, but not a tub of water. It's that strange acid from the movie that eats away at everything but the skeleton.
Rim: Neato! But..... you know what will happen. PM will write another scene where it's all not what it seems. His flesh isn't really being eaten away. We're dreaming it or he has actors too. <Mickey joins them with nachos in hand>
Mickey: Yeah, really. This guy is ALWAYS getting us back in some inconcievable harebrained way. <notices his hare costume and blushes a little>
Rim: <takes a nacho> Well, he'd better not get out of this if he knows what's good for him! BTW Mickey, you seem to be the only guy around here besides Evil Mike who truly understands. It's great to have a sensitive man on the team.
Lita: PM won't escape this time. Lita has seen to that.
#883
(Mickey's getting more and more
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
Frustrated by the minute)
Lita: It *was* funny.
(No one has touched Mickey's nachos. Which is a shame, because he worked so hard to get them just right.)
Rimmer: I don't believe you.
Evil Mike: Someone want to help me get me loose? I've been here for a while. I've learned my lesson.
(We've also got a monitor to see what the enemy's up too. PM and Mrs. Mo continue to laugh and do "stuff")
Mickey: THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Rimmer and Lita both look at Mickey confused. He's never flipped out like this)
Mickey: Rimmer, Lita, I made nachos. And they were good nachos. But now, noooooooo. They're all cold and stale. I have to dump them out now (Mickey dumps them out...all over Evil Mike's head)
Evil Mike: Hey!
Lita: Hey, chill out, won't you?
(Mickey starts yelling at the monitor)
Mickey: And PM! I STOLE THE TOILET PAPER! Not the girls. SAY IT...MICKEY THE GARDENER STOLE THE TOILET PAPER.
Rimmer: Um, Mickey...PM can't hear you.
Lita: Mickey, is this all about hardly being a part of the story, lately?
Mickey (calmed down): Yes'm.
Lita: Well, look at cow. It's been ages since we mentioned him, and he's fine about it.
Cow (somewhere, where ever he is): Says you, womooan.
Lita: See, and what about Grandmapa? Or Ortega? Or all the other me's that don't even get to be in the story? See, you have it better than a lot of us. Except me.
Rimmer: And me.
Evil Mike: Ditto.
PM (who somehow heard that part): Don't forget me!!!
Mickey: Oh, okay....sorry.
Lita: Now that that's settled, get your ass back in the kitchen and make us more nachos.
Mickey: Okay, Lita! I'll make the best damn batch of nachos anyone has ever seen! (leaves)
Evil Mike: Any of you girls want to "clean" me?"
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeeeee!
May have stolen the toilet paper, but at least he gave some back.
#884
Oops.
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
???????????????????????
It's been ages since I've replied out of order. My spaz attack happened before Rimmer and Lita's fun with PM's hot tub. By the way, I'm taking off my bunny costume...I'm sick of this thing.
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeee!
Didn't have to do this, but would,ve felt bad about spazzing out after Rimmer complimented him.
#885
< Tork suddenly appears >
Date: 10/30/2001
From: pitchTork
< Tork is carrying some flowers. He is very sad. >
Tork: Here Rimmer. I heard about what PM did to your rat. (sniff) I hope you guys make him pay!
< Tork starts to give an long speech about Rimmer's rat. It's very touching. It's so touching that no one notices him inching closer to Mickey's bowl of nachos. >
Tork: And so we'll never forget the name of our beloved rat...ummm, Tortilla?
I would have eaten the nachos if I was there earlier!
#886
Huh.
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Rimferatu
Huh.
Rim: I mentioned Mickey in my reply before he made his. I guess we must have slipped into a an alternate universe again and in this one Mickey believes we don't care about him or his nachos- or else he's nuts! Huh. Well, whatever. I was enjoying his nachos and his company before he dumped the nachos over Mike's head and stormed off. He'd better come back with some good nachos.
ooc: uh oh! I don't have much confidence that we'll make it to reply 1,000 before Halloween evening. We'd better hussle it!
#887
[Mrs. Mo] Okay, so what's happening?
Date: 10/30/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
<<<Dead Mode>>>
[PM] Well, apparently Lita9K engineered it so that Lita6969 would set the hot tub to fill up with acid, rather than water.
[Mrs. Mo] So we *weren't* enjoying a quiet evening in front of the monitors?
[PM] Nope, apparently we've been dead for hours now. The acid ate the flesh from our bones, and now even our bones are dissolving into nothing.
[Mrs. Mo] But I remember it clearly. We were sitting there, quietly enjoying each other's company, speculating on Nabut's condition. It was nice.
[PM] Sorry, sweetie. Apparently, it was just a dream. We're dead. Dead, dead, dead. See that doornail? It's got more life than we do now.
[Mrs. Mo] But who's going to stop Nabut-as-Gallagher?
[PM] That never happened either, it seems. According to Rimmer, she just had an actor *pretend* to be Nabut turning into Gallagher. Heck, she probably hired the actual Gallagher to play Nabut turning into Gallagher. He hasn't had a steady job in awhile, you know.
[Mrs. Mo] Oh. So, what do we do now?
[PM] We wait for Osiris to come and take us to the place of Judgement, where our hearts will be weighed against a feather. If our hearts are lighter than the feather, we enter the Kingdom of the Dead. If not, we get cast down to the waiting Devourer of the Damned, where we die a horrible, everlasting second death. You know, the whole Egyptian afterlife scene.
[Mrs. Mo] Sutenhotep... do you fear the judgement?
[PM] I have no fears that you'll make it through. You may have a wicked temper, but a good heart. I, on the other hand... well, we may be parted soon. Forever.
[Mrs. Mo, on the verge of tears.] But you're not a bad man, for a criminal mastermind! You were always a fair employer, and were becoming a good husband...
[PM] It may not be enough. I have much to answer for. Oh look, our skeletons are completely dissolved, now.
[A green man in full Egyptian pharaoh regalia appears next to the two spirits.]
[PM and Mrs. Mo fall to their knees.] LORD OSIRIS!
[Osiris] You may rise. Come, the time of your judgement has arrived. [PM and Mrs. Mo each take one of Osiris' hands, and all three vanish from sight.]
The end... Of Pharaoh Sutenhotep Mobius and Mrs. Nefertiti Mobius
The dead and departed Pharaoh Mobius
Lousy feather!
*CRUNCH*
nothing to put in the Sarcophagus
#888
Boy, this has taken a dark turn...
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
:::::::::::::::::::::
If I was on your side PM, I'd use my old "Time/Space Expert" stuff to make you and the Mrs. alive again.
But I'm not. Oh well.
Oh, stop whining. I'm sure you'll be brought back somehow. We're not that mean.
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Moster Truck! Weee!
I can't die...it's in my contract. Call my agent.
#889
[Nabut] I'm afraid it's not that easy.
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Nabut
<:8)))~~ Sitting in the torture chamber; don't mind the rats ~~(((8:>
[Nabut] No, Mickey, my Lieg-- [He gets zapped with electrodes.] Ow. My Li-- [He gets zapped again.] Oh FINE. My peach-pit won't be coming back. His body was destroyed by acid, and his soul was taken to the seat of Judgement in the Egyptian afterlife. His heart was found to be heavier than the Feather of Truth, and his soul was cast down into the dark lair of Ammit, the Eater of Souls and Goddess of the Dead. The Pharaoh is gone for good.
[Nabut is zapped again.]
[Nabut] Dang, that stings! Anyway, that prospect doesn't bother me too much. He left me here to be tortured by Pinky and Perky, so I couldn't think of a better fate for the goody-goody bastard.
[Yet another zap, this one to the happy sacks (being as that's Rimmer's favorite place to zap people).]
[Nabut] *GLLKH* Of course, what do I know? I've still got another 50+ hours of torture before I'm released *in theory*. Take my opinion with whatever amount of salt and spice you wish.
Nabut Al'Nathoth
o/` I can't wait to see what it's like on the outside now o/`
*ZAP*
#890
Rim: No more PM. Tee hee!
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Rimferatu
Rim: Oh, but of course I completely expect PM to "live" up to his end of the agreement and save Nobutt. Rules are rules. He'll just have to find his own way to come back from the dead and rescue Nobutt. And Mickey, you make the best nachos! You RULE! It's only too bad Lita9k, Lita696 and I killed off Mrs. Mobius. That wasn't part of the plan. We were counting on him being a nasty cheating husband and not leading his poor unsuspecting wife to her doom. He'll have to bring her back to. I have no idea how he's gonna do it but if he doesn't want his ass sued for breaking contract he'll come back by 8:00 pm est time during Survivor and save Nabut.
#891
[A musical interlude.]
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Nabut
[Nabut is singing, his voice cracked and strained from screaming and lack of water. He's singing to the tune of "Outside Now", by Frank Zappa.]
[Nabut] o/` Oh, Rimmer and Lita have shocked the smeg out of me o/`
o/` And they haven't even begun to strip me of my dignity o/`
o/` All I ever did was serve as a trusted lieutenant to a Pulp Villain o/`
o/` Faithful, faithful, faithful, faithful, faithfully o/`
o/` I thought that would do the trick o/`
o/` If it only could have helped me! But they're shockin' and they're shockin' me until I'm sick o/`
o/` But it's only just a part of their big revenge game o/`
o/` The kind of game that would surely break o/`
o/` A weaker man than I o/`
o/` I'll be getting out of here pretty soon o/`
o/` Then I won't have to look at this ugly smeggin' room o/`
o/` I can't wait to see what it's like on the outside now o/`
(repeat chorus ad infinitum, ad astra, ad nauseum)
Nabut Al'Nathoth
Needs a little Green Rosetta right about now
#892
[In the primordial darkness...]
Date: 10/30/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
[...Lies the great Egyptian goddess Ammit, the Eater of Souls. Lodged in between two of her monolithic, crocodilian teeth is the mangled Ka (soul-thingie) of Pharaoh Mobius.]
[PM] Err, sorry to disillusion you, Rimmer, but I won't be escaping this anytime soon. Or ever, for that matter. In fact, once Ammit here figures out that I haven't been swallowed yet, it'll only get more inescapable for me. What with the Crocodile Death goddess' digestive juices working on me, and all. Sorry, but looks like Nabut is on his own.
[A giant toothpick wends its way toward PM, who shrieks like a little girl!]
[PM] NO! NOT THE TOOTHPICK!!!
The deceased Pharaoh Mobius
About to be swallowed by Ammit
Besides, I have to work on Thursday night
Esophagus!
#893
I'm not sure about this.
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Rimferatu
A contract is a contract. PM is supposed to save Nabut and he may have to do it when he comes home from work.
#894
Lita: I leave for 8 hours and look!
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Carmelita9000
//////////////////////////////////
Lita: PM has to go and get himself, and his wife killed! And after all the trouble we went through to purposely *not* kill him earlier, but merely really, really hurt him. Geez, I can't leave you people alone for a second, can I? And Rimmer! What did you have 6969 put in that hot tub, anyway?!
Rimmer: Mr. Pibb. That stuff's really toxic. But I'm amazed they didn't notice the color before they got into the hot tub. Quit yelling. I don't believe for a second he's not coming back.
Lita: Hey, if he wants to throw himself a big 'ol temper tantrum, write himself dead, and then refuse to be alive again, that's no skin off my nose. Too bad about him killing that nice wife of his off too, but I'm sure she's being very understanding in whatever netherworld her spirit has gone to. <Lita eats a nacho> There's just one thing I'm wondering about.
Rimmer: *One* thing?
Lita: Yeah. PM was having an innocent plumbing party with 6969, nothing for his wife to be worried about, right?
Rimmer: ...right.
Lita: So if it was so innocent, why were they plumbing naked?
Rimmer: Huh?
Lita: Doesn't anybody other than me remember this little piece of exposition? "<Meanwhile, at MSTBlanca, Pharaoh Mobius is unwisely continuing to be naked with Carmelita6969 in his office..." And it goes on from there. Ok, maybe they were just fixing the hot tub. Fine. Why do you have to be naked to fix a hot tub?
Mrs. Mo.: <Her voice emanates faintly from out of the ether> …hey, yeah! Why were they naked??? <Her voice disappears again into the void>
Mickey: I guess we'll never know. PM is way too dead to talk his way out of it.
Rimmer: We could ask 6969. Hey! 6969!
Lita6969: <Pops her head around the door> Yes?
Lita9000: When you and PM were fixing the hot-tub, why were you naked?
Lita6969: *laughs* I can't believe you're even asking me that! <She goes back to whatever she was doing in the other room>
Mickey: But wait! PM said that when Mrs. Mo. found him and Lita6969, they were fully clothed!
Lita: But… Hey…
Rimmer: Oh, now that really is cheating.
Lita: My post predates his. He's rewriting history! Can he do that?
Rimmer: He should be ashamed! Except he's too dead to be.
Lita: This is just like when he said my other post was a dream! He's making it like my posts don't even matter!
Rimmer: Aww… there, there, Lita. <To the general atmosphere around her, just in case PM's spirit happens to be around, and listening> Now just look at that, PM! You got Lita all upset! I hope you're happy!
Lita: *starting to cry* I don't even know why I bother to make posts... *sniff* *sniff* ...if people are just going to... *gulp* ...ignore them anyway! <Lita can't contain her emotions any longer> WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
<Rimmer hands Lita a tissue>
EM: <still all tied up and nude in the corner> Yeah, why don't you just go ahead and cry, you little sissy girl.
<Rimmer and Lita glare at Evil Mike. Clearly, under the current bboard RP climate, that was not a wise thing to say.>
EM: Uh-oh. I may have overstepped my boundries…
Mickey: Finally! A guy is going to get beat up around here, and it's not going to be me!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
You would cry too if it happened to you!
#895
Tork: I'm back
Date: 10/30/2001
From: pitchTork
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
< Tork once again appears out of nowhere. >
Lita: I didn't even notice you leave. Or that you were ever here.
Rimmer: Who are you, again?
Tork: Hahaha. Oh, you guys are so funny.
Mickey: No, really...
Tork: Anyway, after PM melted, I raided MSTblanca. I knew the 13 Other Ghosts so I had no problem. I took a truck and loaded it with all of PM's voyeur and blackmail tapes. There was an entire stack devoted to Rimmer and Lita catfights.
< Lita and Rimmer look at each other. >
Rimmer: PM taped EVERYTHING! One of these tapes must show what he did with Lita6969. Everyone, start digging through the tapes!!!
#896
<Meanwhile>
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Carmelita9000
-------------------------------------
<Down in the dungeon. Lita 42 has been called away for a moment, leaving Cave Rimmer alone with Nabut. He gives a half-hearted attempt to sweet-talk her into letting him go, but no dice. He gets a shock instead. Presently, Lita 42 returns, leading Evil Mike. She opens the cell door, and Evil Mike goes in and sits down next to Nabut. 42 closes the door again, and goes back to her post by Cave Rimmer. A little time passes in silence, then...>
EM: So. Nabut, is it? What are you in for?
Nabut: Standard hostage situation. My captors are mad at my *sigh* my… peach pit… and so they're holding me here to piss him off. Hey, wait a minute, you work for one of them, right? The one there's so many of?
EM: Yeah.
Nabut: So didn't you already know about that?
EM: Yeah. I was just making conversation. Seems like the kind of thing people ask each other when they're cellmates.
Nabut: Oh. Right. So, what are you-- Uh-oh… brace yourself.
EM: What?
*ZAAAAAAP!!!!!!*
Nabut: GAAAAAH!!!!
EM: BITCH!!!
Nabut: <shakes his head, and whistles> Boy! That was a big one! Anyway, as I was saying, what are you in for? I thought they liked you.
EM: They do, usually. But I just made some comment about how girls cry all the time, and they got all mad! Like it wasn't even true or anything! Geez, just because they're both on their period- oh cripes.
<Lita 42 and Cave Rimmer are eyeing Evil Mike with annoyance. Cave Rimmer is patting her club meaningfully.>
EM: There's too many damn women around here! (Never thought I'd be saying that…)
Cave Rimmer: Hey, Evil Mike. You look a little cold.
EM: Well, why don't you get naked and see how warm you are!
Lita42: We found something of yours, Evil Mike. It got clogged in the vacuum chute on the way to the incinerator. I thought you might want it back.
<Lita 42 has Evil Mike's towel, the one Rimmer took away from him earlier. She throws it at EM, and it lands on his head.>
EM: Hey, thanks a bunch, Babe-- Gah! Geez, you freak! What's wrong with you??? That's disgusting!
<That last part was aimed at Nabut, who, for no apparent reason, just spit on EM.>
Nabut: I'm really sorry. I couldn't help it, it's just that the way that towel is sitting on your head looks just like… uh-oh… *ptooie!*
EM: Knock it off! What the hell is your problem?!
Nabut: It's not my fault! I'm conditioned to spit upon-- *ptooie!*
EM: Quit it, you Booger! It's not like I'm wearing a shirt, or anything! If there's anything I don't want dripping down my bare chest, it's another man's spittle!
Nabut: Look, if you would just take that towel off your-- *ptooie!*
EM: If you do that again, I'm *so* going to punch you!
Nabut: I wish you'd cooperate with me here. My mouth is really getting dry. Just take off the-- *ptoo-- AAAAGH!
<Evil Mike has tackled Nabut, and he's really punching him a whole bunch. Nabut is too weirded out at the moment at being attacked by a naked man to really fight back much. During the course of the melee, the towel falls off of Evil Mike's head. Nabut can stop spitting on him now. Evil Mike will be glad to find that out when he's done with the punching. Or not. Punching is one of Evil Mike's favorite pastimes. The fight ends abruptly with another electric shock. The two men get up and sit back on the bench. Evil Mike drapes the towel over his personal area.>
EM: So… What do you do for fun down here?
Nabut: *with sudden excitement* Well, it used to be really boring around here. But now they let me watch videos sometimes!
EM: What kind of videos?
Nabut: Check it out! It's time for it to start!
<Cave Rimmer wheels out a stand with a television set, and a VCR. She and Lita 42 hook the thing up. With some annoyance, 42 turns on the TV, and presses play. The two women concentrate furiously on not paying attention to what's on the TV. Mike gasps with true horror when he sees the stomach turning thing on the screen.>
EM: They force you to watch Ghallagar?!
Nabut: Force me, heck no! This guy is great!
EM: You've got to be kidding!
Nabut: Well, I didn't like him at first, but then after about the twentieth time they showed me this tape, I started to realize that it's actually pretty good.
EM: Please stop…
Nabut: I find this man strangely fascinating…
EM: Look… just don't talk to me anymore, all right?
#897
But that's where you're wrong, Lita!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Nabut
<<<Tortured Mode>>>
[Nabut] My l-- *ZAP* oh, poo! Okay, *peach pit*. Anyway, he didn't rewrite anything! The passage you pointed out in question read as follows: "<Meanwhile, at MSTBlanca, Pharaoh Mobius is unwisely continuing to be naked with Carmelita6969 in his office..."
You contend that PM ignored this phrase by stating that he and your clone were fully clothed. However, quick perusal of the dictionary (which I've memorized with my photographic memory, so no I'm not cheating by having one laying around in my cell) yields the following:
Main Entry: na·ked
Pronunciation: 'nA-k&d, esp Southern 'ne-k&d
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English nacod; akin to Old High German nackot naked, Latin nudus, Greek gymnos
Date: before 12th century
1 : not covered by clothing : NUDE
2 : devoid of customary or natural covering : BARE: as a : not enclosed in a sheath or scabbard b : not provided with a shade c of a plant or one of its parts : lacking pubescence or enveloping or subtending parts d : lacking foliage or vegetation e of an animal or one of its parts : lacking an external covering (as of hair, feathers, or shell)
3 a : scantily supplied or furnished b : lacking embellishment : UNADORNED
4 : UNARMED, DEFENSELESS
5 : lacking confirmation or support
6 : devoid of concealment or disguise
7 : unaided by any optical device or instrument <visible to the naked eye>
8 : not backed by the writer's ownership of the commodity contract or security.
Now, I don't know how *you* might have meant that passage, but we members of the criminal underworld are rarely to be found without some form of armament, so I (and any other Pulp Villain, for that matter) would initially take the word "naked" for meaning #4, that is "unarmed, defenseless". If we Pulp Villains wish to convey meaning #1, we would use the terms "nude", "nekkid", or "clothing-optional".
Therefore, when PM described the scene thusly: "[Mrs. Mobius kicks the door in with all the power her rage can give her. She looks into the room to find...
Carmelita6969 and PM fully dressed, and both pulling on a large monkey wrench?!? It seems that they were working on the plumbing to his hot tub after all!]", he was well in keeping with your prior description of the two of them being naked, as neither of them is described as being armed in any way whatsoever. So basically, you're throwing a fit over nothing! Trumped up charges, I tell ya! Trumped up charges!
[Lita] Oh, shut up! [She presses a button, and Nabut is zapped yet again.]
Nabut Al'Nathoth
PM's not here, someone has to set you right.
*ZAP*
OWIE!
#898
We're never gonna make it to reply 1k by
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Rimferatu
Halloween!
Blah!
We can try to make it by this evening but it doesn't look promising.
And poor, poor Nabut and his happysack. His bundies are getting so very stunned and EM's too because he has no bundie covering at all! Yipes!
#899
<Rimmi returns to the controls for the
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Rimferatu
dungeon. Lita follows, curious.>
{}
Rimmi: <puts a disc onto the main computer and inside the cage with Nabut and EM appears PM! Nabut and EM scream like little girls and hold each other in fright.> Voila! Instant PM. It's no substitute for the real thing but we'll use it to run MSTBlanca.
Evil Mike: That's not the real PM?
Lita: Nope, just a reasonable fascimile.
Rimmi: Just reasonable? I'd say pretty damned good. It even sounds like him too. <pushes button>
HoloPM: What would you like me to say?
Rimmi: Anything PM would really say.
HoloPM: "Anything PM would really say."
Rimmi: Okay, it's kind of stupid but it's a prototype and it'll buy some time.
Lita: Where did you get the idea?
Rimmi: That little show I like called Red Dwarf. Arnold Judas Rimmer died and he was brought back as a computer hologram. I've downloaded everything we know about PM into the file and made this computer generated version.
Lita: I wasn't asking for plot exposition. I was asking where you got the idea to wear that costume. I still haven't been able to figure out why you're in a biker babe get up. It doesn't fit with the story at all.
Rimmi: Tough. I like it and I'm keeping it on.
#900
Post 900! Blah!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Rimferatu
nt
#901
Yay! Rimmer got 900!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
So much better than that fake 900 that Schmoe had.
Happy Halloween to you and yours, everybody.
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeee!
Would like to stay and help the cause, but needs a few minutes to wake up, first.
#902
Mickey:
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Nabut
<<<Tortured Mode>>>
[Nabut] "Mine" won't be having a happy Hallowe'en.
They, as Rimmer was so kind to poin out, keep getting zapped.
[*ZAP*]
OW!!!!11!!!1!
See what I mean?
Nabut Al'nathoth
Probably sterile by now
#903
(All the while...
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
#################
Mickey's upstairs watching the "naughty" videos that Tork brought over. They're very interesting, mind you, but they aren't giving any answers)
Mickey: I make *THE* best damn nachos. Hot damn, I'm good.
So, what's going on? Their not naked.
Nabut (on a monitor, who for some reason can hear Mickey): I told you so! (zap)
Mickey: This is boring. What else you got?
Tork: I'm glad you asked. Lita's shower from 9/25/01, perhaps?
Mickey: Nah...I'm sick of naked Lita. Anything with me?
Tork: Errrr...trust me, you don't want to know.
Lita (9000) (on the monitor, and somehow she can hear us. That always happens at the most inconvienient times, for some reason): I HEARD YOU! You watching dirty videos of me up there?
Rimmer (off-monitor): They can't hear you. You better go up and check.
Tork: Hey, check this out. This tapes labled,"Lita 6969's Greatest Hits".
Mickey: She's a singer?
Tork: You have no clue, don't you? (Suddenly, the tape is taken out of Tork's hand, and is thrown to the ground and stomped on)
Mickey: Hi Lita.
Tork: That one wasn't you. It was 6969.
Lita: I don't care which one of me it was. It was still me. I'll take these videos now, if you don't mind. There has to be one of Bono at the MST Blanca somewhere,
Mickey: Uh-oh....Lita?
Lita: So you were lying to me?
Mickey: No, no. Camera's weren't working that day. The ghosts broke them.
Lita: I guess that does make sense. Kind of.
(Lita leaves with the tapes)
Mickey: That was close. Nacho?
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeee!
Stinks at voyeurism.
#904
Lita: Gee, Nabut, that's interesting!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Carmelita9000
Lita: Your dictionary says naked doesn't mean nude, huh? Let's see what my dictionary says! <Lita opens her dictionary.> Oh, right here, it says, "SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" You know darn well that naked meant nude in that sentence!
<Lita throws the dictionary at Nabut, and it hits him really hard.>
Nabut: Ouch! *ZAAAP!!* Ouch!
Lita: EM, you can come out of there now. You weren't supposed to be in there for too long anyway.
EM: Actually, I think I'll stay. I'm starting to like these shocks--
Lita: EVIL MIKE, I AM IN NO MOOD TO ARGUE! YOU GET OUT OF THAT CELL RIGHT THIS SECOND, MISTER!
EM: <Gets off the bench and heads for the door, grumbling> looks like she's plenty in the mood for arguing to me...
<Lita, Evil Mike, Rimmer, and the Pharaoh Mobius hologram leave Nabut to his torture. He's flipping through the dictionary.>
Nabut: Hey! I can't find "Shut the Hell up" anywhere in here!
Lita42: No reading! Give me that! <She reaches in with a hook and takes the dictionary back from Nabut>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
somehow got switched into Super Pissed Off Mode.
She's yelling at everybody!
#905
GEEZ, MICKEY!!!!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Carmelita9000
***********************
YOU SWITCHED THE REPLIES AROUND AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU!?!?!? LEARN TO REPLY IN ORDER, LIKE A REAL MAN!!!
<Lita kicks Mickey in the shin, picks up the tapes again, and leaves the room.>
Mickey: What's got into her? She's not usually that loud, is she?
Rimmer: Probably not. Are there any more nachos left?
Lita
Oh, so a woman expresses her emotions
and she's a bitch, huh?
But a man expresses himself and he's strong.
THAT'S SO TYPICAL!
#906
Nabut?
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
That's not *quite* what I was referring to.
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeeee!
Too disgusted to write the rest of his tagline.
#907
{BOG flashes his pink undies}
Date: 10/31/2001
From: BAND_OF_GYPSYS
Peek!
#908
Rim' ruminations.....
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Rimferatu
Rim: <sits on couch with Lita and Mickey and Tork takes the love seat. Evil Mike sits on the floor and holoPM must stand because he's a hologram and can't touch stuff> Has anyone here stopped to wonder about PM and Mrs. PM's death? I mean, what happened exactly? There was a hot tub, they were in it and then they disolved into nothing. Something in missing.
EM: Actually that sounds about right-
Rim: No it doesn't. Think about it, the two of them just *let* the acidic Mr. Pibb kill them? They just sat there in the tub and disolved without realizing it? How can that be?
Lita: I see what you mean. I know if I got into a tub and noticed I disolving I wouldn't sit around and contemplate it, I'd get out and get myself to the hospital.
Rim: That's what I mean. And how could they even have time to get in and sit down without being eaten? Neither of them checked the 'water' first to see if the temp was just right? That would have destroyed their fingers but not their whole bodies. And in stepping into the hot tub they would have lost a few toes and certainly that might have caused some suspicion. Right? And I assume they could have just gotten in at the same time but supposing PM went into the hot tub first Mrs. PM would have known not to go in and vice verce, right? I'm still not sure I understand how it happened.
Mickey: They could have cannonballed into the water at the same time.
Rim: They could have but then they wouldn't have been practicing proper tub safety. Hot tubs are too shallow for that kind of horseplay. I'm not sure about PM but Mrs. Pm would have at least been sensible enough not to cannonball into the water. Assuming they had a sudden lapse of sense and did so they would have displaced much acidic Mr. Pibb and it would have splashed over the sides of the tub and would have eaten away at the floor. It didn't do that.
Lita: So what are you saying Sherlock Rims?
Rim: I think this is all a ruse. PM and his wife want to think they are dead.
Lita: But whay would they do that?
Rim: I don't know but I think we ought to find out. Got any plans? I ran out of ideas after thinking all those thoughts. Brain broken now. Mmmmm.... Mickey made more nachos!
#909
Mmmmmm... Pink Undies!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Rimferatu
Wooohoooo! That's what I'm talking about! More gratuitous male exhibitionism- and nachos!
#910
Rim's corrections!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Rimferatu
1. Title should have been Rim's Ruminations.
2. I think I made Lita skip a word but I can't remember what that word was.
3. I should have said, "I think PM and his wife want 'us' to think they are dead."
Rimferatu
-using this handle as long as she can
Sartorial!
#911
Mickey pulls down his pants
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rimmer: Um, Mickey? Why don't you just take care of the more nachos part...
Mickey: Damn. (pulls up his pants)
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeee!
Don't worry girls, I remembered to wear underwear today.
#912
Mickey: Hey, Lita!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Carmelita9000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<Lita narrows her eyes and looks at Mickey. He doesn't notice the unfriendly look she's giving him.>
Lita: What?
Mickey: You managed to make it through an entire conversation without yelling at anybody! I think you're getting better!
HoloPharaoh: I like to build things!
Lita: *getting better???* Are you implying that there's something wrong with me?
Mickey: Er... no.
Lita: Now, listen here, Nacho Boy--
Rimmer: Lita, leave Mickey alone. He didn't mean anything.
Lita: I *knew* you'd take his side! Everybody's against me! HMPH!!!
<Lita storms out of the room, punching anybody unlucky enough to happen to be standing near her warpath. I'm not sure how many people are in this castle, but she manages to assault a few innocent bystanders before getting to wherever she's going. (I don't know where we are. I'm just assuming it's a castle, since there's a dungeon. Besides, castles are neat.)>
Mickey: What is her problem?
Rimmer: You know, now that you mention it, she *does* seem a little more hostile than usual. But I think our main priority should be figuring out what Pharaoh Blowbius is up to.
HoloPharaoh: I like to build things!
EM: Yes. We heard you the first time.
HoloPharaoh: Nabut! *clap* *clap* Fetch me my kitty slippers!
<Tork stumbles into the room, with his hand over his eye.>
Tork: What's Lita's deal? I told her her hair looked nice, and she hit me!
HoloPharaoh: Look at me! I like to wear a funny hat!
Hostile Lita
just complicating the plot a little more.
Like it needs more complications.
#913
[Mrs. Mo] Great Isis!!!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Mrs_Mobius
[Mrs. Mobius, having witnessed the last several posts, is alarmed at both her husband's fate, and what his enemies are plotting on Earth. She sits down, puts her hands to her temples, and concentrates.]
[Mrs. Mo] Sam, are you there?
------------------------------------------------------------
[Meanwhile at MSTBlanca, Sam, Nick, Buffalo, and Rick are sitting around playing cards. Things sure have been dull around the bar since PM and his wife died. Sam, Nick, and Rick are all drinking beers, while Buffalo sips on a root beer float.]
[Rick] Okay, turn 'em over. I've got a straight flush, jack high.
[Sam] Ah, that beats me; all I've got is a flush.
[Nick] Read 'em and weep, gentlemen! A queen and a pair of fours!
[Rick] I'm not sure you understand the premise of this game, kid. That's what we veteran poker players call a "crap hand."
[Nick, brightly.] Is that good?
[Rick slaps his forehead.] Okay, Buffalo. What do you have?
[Buffalo] Man, Ah just got annuther roy-ul flush.
[Rick] AGAIN?!? How *does* he do it?
[Sam] Hey, he's gotta be good at something. You know, it's like Rain Man.
[Nick and Rick.] Oh, yeah!
[Buffalo] Aw, thayat's nahce of you, Lazy Rider, but Ah don't look lahk no Dustin Hoffman!
[Rick] Well, looks like it's game over, boys. Buffalo's cleaned me out.
[Buffalo] WAHOOO-OOOOOOWHEEEE!!! YAH-HOOIEOOIE-- *AAAARRRRGHH*!!!! [Buffalo clutches his head in pain.]
[Sam jumps to his feet to steady Buffalo.] What is it, buddy? Another message from the powers that be?
[Buffalo] Naw, jest an ahce-creem hedayche. But maybe we'd better turn on the ol' psyckik message screen jest in cayse. [He gets up and turns on this big TV-looking thingie, and jumps back when he sees Mrs. Mobius appear on the screen.]
[Mrs. Mo, onscreen.] Well it's about time; I've only been sitting here rubbing my temples for ten friggin' minutes! Anyway, what are you goons doing slacking off while my Sutenhotep is about to be irrevocably killed? Shouldn't you be trying to rescue him? [The four of them mutter around for a moment, until Mrs. Mo gets impatient with them.] Let me put it to you this way: go rescue Sutenhotep or I'll make you wish you'd never been born!
[Rick, chuckling a bit.] But you're *dead*, sweetheart!
[Mrs. Mobius, deadly serious.] That's never stopped me before. [The men all do a double-take.] Go on, what're you waiting for! Move it!
[Sam] But what can we do, Sweet Momma? He's *dead* and stuff!
[Mrs. Mo] Do I have to spell it out for you? [The guys all say "Yes!"] Hmmph. Very well. Rick, go to the back-back stockroom and activate contingency Alpha-Omega. I know you've been briefed on procedure there.
[Rick] You got it, kid.
[Mrs. Mo] Nick, I need you to build a man-portable dimensional transport engine, preferably in belt or harness form. You should find all the parts you need in the lab at the main complex.
[Nick] Will do, ma'am!
[Mrs. Mo] Sam, once Nick has the MPDTE completed, I'll need you to equip it and whatever other equipment you deem necessary and transport to Sutenhotep's coordinates. You'll find the proper coordinates in the Inter-Cosm Cartography suite at the main complex; look under the intersection of "Ammit" and "Place of Final Judgement".
[Sam] Ten-four, Boss-Lady!
[Mrs. Mo] Buffalo?
[Buffalo] Yes Ma'am?
[Mrs. Mo] I'll need you to sit around, drink and make generally unintelligible comments while staying the hell out of everybody's way.
[Buffalo] Yee-doggies.
[Mrs. Mo] I love it when a plan comes together.
The supremely competent Mrs. Mobius
Never send a man to do a woman's job.
Ladie's Sarcophagus!
#914
[I'm at my Benmurphiest...]
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Sam_Casey
<<<Mellow Mode>>>
[...as I appear at the coordinates we fed into the MPDTE. I'm lookin' good, as usual. Damn, I'm smooth. But then again, I'm Ben Murphy.]
[Sam] What in the name of Spiro Agnew is *THAT*?!?
[Man, that's a big crocodile. At least, I think it's a crocodile. That mouth's gotta be 100 miles across! It's almost enough to make me un-mellow. But it's cool; I've got it under control. I *am* Ben Murphy, after all.]
[Sam] Big Daddy! Are you around here?
[PM] SAM?!? Over here!
[Oh, there he is. He's maybe, what, 15 feet away? If he were a snake, he'd have bit me. But what would a snake be doing in a crocodile's mouth? That's just not natural! Wait, stay focused, Sam. This is no time to flake out like a jive turkey. I fly down to where the boss man is (did I mention the MPDTE has a jet-pack built in? That Nick is some scientist.]
[Sam] Hold on, Big Daddy. We'll have you outta there before you can say "Rhinestone-Sequined Disco Flares Forever!"
[PM] I've got to admit, Sam, that I'm impressed. I wouldn't have guessed you could pull off a rescue like this.
[Sam] Actually, your wife orchestrated the whole thing.
[PM] Well, at least it all makes sense now.
[Sam] Not that we wouldn't have tried anyway, boss-man. You'll get into trouble if you break that contract you signed.
[PM] How could I be in more trouble than I already am? I'm dead and in the Egyptian version of hell!
[Sam] You forget, Big Daddy. I know something about the law. I may have a Juris law degree from Harvard, but Hell's lawyers have the best of us Harvard grads *seriously* outclassed.
[PM] You have a point. Plus, I'd be with you on an escape plan regardless of that. There's only one small problem I can see with all of this.
[Sam] What's that?
[PM] The guy behind you.
[I turn around and see something... well, *weird*. It looks kind of like a cross between a man and one of those little birds that clean between crocodiles' teeth, with a bunch of black metal spiky armor. He does *not* look mellow!]
[Sam] Hi.
[Weird Demon Bird Thing] Hi. You're not supposed to be here.
[Sam] I know. The name's Sam, by the way.
[Weird Demon Bird Thing smiles(?).] I'm Skip.
[Sam] Good to meet you, Skip. [A bit of awkward silence for a moment.] What's keeping him from being able to escape?
[Skip] I'm keeping him there with my will. Well, that and he's got himself stuck between the tooth and gum.
[Sam] Why isn't he screaming for help?
[Skip] I dunno, he's taking all of this amazingly well. If he *were* screaming, though, I'd just quiet him down with my will. There's only so much "Help me! I'm being devoured by an ancient, primordial god!" that you can take, you know.
[Sam] Yeah.
[Skip sniffs the air. I wonder if he can smell my after-dinner smoke?] You're a 1970's era Federal Agent, aren't you?
[Sam] Yeah, I work for Intersect.
[Skip] Then you're one of the good guys. You should be working with me to keep him *in*, not to set him free.
[Sam] I know; long story, it involves a girl.
[Skip] Then there's no way I can change your mind?
[Sam] I'm afraid not. Looks like we're going to have to agree-- [Skip smacks me down *hard*, man! Talk about un-mellow! I jump up right away.] --to disagree!
[Okay, so we fight for a bit. It's not too mellow, I know, but sometimes you have to dare to be un-mellow, if it's for a good cause. He's a pretty good fighter, for not being Ben Murphy. Five minutes later, neither one of us has made any headway.]
[Sam] Look buddy, can't we talk this over?
[Skip] I'm afraid not, little mortal. Rules are rules... say, is that Maui Wowie I smell?
[Sam] Yeah, dude! It's choice! You want a hit?
[Skip] Tell you what, Sam. Give me your stash, and I'll let you rescue your friend.
[Whoah, I gotta think about this for a minute. This could end the fight in a peaceful, mellow way. But man, we're talkin' about my stash here!]
[PM] Sam, do it or I swear I'm taking you with me down Ammit's throat!
[Sam] Okay, okay, mellow out, man! You're harshin' my buzz!
[I give Skip what's left of my stash. I hate to see it go, but I guess it's for a good cause. He flies off to make with the tokage, and I set to free my employer. In about three minutes we've got him free, though he would *definitely* want a bath, if he had a body. Croc slobber; talk about YUCK!]
[PM] Thanks, Sam. Now, we stop off to pick up Nefertiti, then it's back home to set things right.
[Sam] Cool, Big Daddy. Can't happen fast enough for me; this croc's breath stinks to high heaven!
[I am like, *so* serious about Ammit's breath!]
Federal Agent Sam Casey
Peace out, baby!
#915
[PM] Okay! I'm back!!!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
<<<Resurrected Mode>>>
[PM and Mrs. Mobius stand in the back-back storeroom of MSTBlanca, pulling clothes onto their newly-reconstituted forms.]
[PM] It's good to see that my henchmen can actually be competent for a change! Rick, good job with the Alpha-Omega process. Nick, nice work on the dimension-hopper. Sam, fast thinking against that... err, Skip guy. Buffalo, way to stay the hell out of the way.
[Buffalo] Yew know it, Boss.
[PM] And thanks to you, my dear, for making it all happen. [He kisses her.] Now, let's lay out the plan to rescue Nabut. But first...
[PM pulls out a Zap pistol, and aims it at all of the secret cameras that Rimmer, Lita, Mickey and company have secretly placed around the room.]
The freshly alive Pharaoh Mobius
You didn't think I was going to discuss my plans in full view, did you?
Sorry about the brief exposition; I have a lot to do
before I leave in half an hour
Sarcophagus!
#916
Mickey: Hey, PM's alive!
Date: 10/31/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
ssssssssssssssssssss
Hey what happened to the camera's feed?
Rimmer: I don't care. But as long as that guy came back to his senses to make himself un-dead, I'm fine with that. Now it looks like he's planning to squash our plans.
Mickey: What plans? Seems I've just been making nachos and taking my pants off.
Rimmer: Mickey, don't ever mention that again.
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeee!
Sorry for this replie's shortness, but I go to work in 5 minutes.
Next up: Lita is crazy, and she's DOING THINGS!
Back to Nabut
Back to main page